Heading out on vacation with the extended family?
Recommended rules:
1:
Run the vacation as a dictatorship only: one woman or man who decides and simply announces to everyone what we are doing today. The dictator may consult and take the family’s pulse on the ground, but only they make the decision. Once you start running a vacation like a parliament — it’s a recipe for disaster. Too much choice is sometimes a bad thing. A kid trying to pick one candy in a giant store will take an hour to choose and still end up disappointed with the pick. A kid you hand an ice cream cone without asking — will be over the moon and hug you.
2:
A democratic dictatorship: despite the above, there is the right to skip. Every family member may choose what they show up for and what they don’t. No scorekeeping and no sulking over why she or he didn’t come, etc… Don’t try to force everyone to wait for everyone else and then wither for two and a half hours before heading out. Just go — whoever comes is welcome. The brother-in-law wants to stay in the room? By all means. No scorekeeping and no forced togetherness.
3:
Not just springs: you think the kids are only after water? Big mistake. Don’t project your grown-up laziness onto energetic children. They are dying to walk, to jump, to sweat, to build fishing rods, to catch grasshoppers. At the end — a spring is definitely an option too. But as part of the day, not all of it.
4:
Don’t try to accommodate everyone: you want a hike — but his leg hurts; you want a battle heritage site — but they have little kids who won’t listen; you want inner tubes — but she can’t swim; you want falafel on the way — but he only eats the strictest kosher, etc… And so, out of over-consideration, in the end you do nothing at all. Set the plans, and whoever can’t make it — no big deal, they’ll join something else. Don’t converge on the lowest common denominator. Just do a variety of things so that every age group can find itself in something.
5:
Heritage. Not just the heritage of inner tubes and kayaks, but also formative stories that will stay with them forever. Been to the Banias? Hop over — a 10-minute drive — to the Tel Hai courtyard and the story of Trumpeldor. Been to Achziv? Hop over to the Tower and Stockade site at Hanita. Your kids will remember it more than any history lesson on the subject.
6:
The family photo where everyyyyone, down to the very last great-grandchild, is present and smiling: mandatory on every vacation (according to the organizers). The trouble is there’s no chance of pulling it off. He’s in the shower, she just stepped out, the baby fell asleep, etc… It’s best to give up in advance on full collective attendance and do the touch-ups in Photoshop.
7:
Don’t believe Facebook: everyone’s kids are fighting, everyone’s trip sputters. It’s part of the fun. We don’t get up in the morning only to love, but also to get annoyed, to get bummed out and to get bored. To live is to feel.
8:
Family is wonderful
